mother – My Coffee Thought

Dear Mom,
Today is the first year without you. I don’t know how I feel. At times I cry and at times I smile. I’m kind of confused.

I’m sad because I miss your presence and I’m happy you are in a better place with the Lord Jesus Christ. I miss your smile, your hug, your voice and your tender caress. I miss not seeing you singing and dancing, what you liked the most!

It comforts me thinking that you may be having a big celebration in heaven with mama Cleme, as you used to call your mom, and the rest of the gang. At the same time, I wish I could be talking with you by phone today as we used to do every day. You see. I don’t know if I’m selfish or I’m just so happy you’re finally reunited with your loved ones and yes, with mama Cleme! That woman you barely enjoyed because she also went to eternity when you were just 6. That woman you never stopped talking about. I still remember that when you became ill, you called her each time you were afraid. Just like a little girls… I hear you say “mommy, mommy Cleme don’t let me fall…” I can’t imagine how much you missed her while growing up. You even called my dad… “look what’s left of me now… “ you used to say when the pain and strength were exhausted. I know at the end, life did not have the same meaning to you. You were tired and sick. You were fragile and strong. You didn’t want to overwhelm your children with the burden of the care. But we were there for you, day and night, just with the same love and sacrifice you gave us as we grew up by your side. Why not? You lost many nights sleep breastfeeding and raising your children with no complain. You were the best mom in the world to us.

Your pain didn’t get to your soul. You spoke to all of you 8 children words of wisdom until the end. You even blessed each one of us and to many more people. Your body was tired, your mind and your soul wanted to be free. I knew it, I saw it and yet, I still prayed to the Lord for a miracle healing or to listen to your cry. You see Mom, it is hard. I understood the end had come for you and for us, but I embraced the hope that it could last a little longer. I did not like to see you in pain. I actually prayed for the pain to go. I don’t know if I did wrong or I did right. I know God understood our hearts.

Mom, I keep deep in my heart the memory of the lasts days and nights we spent together in that hospital. We shared a lot. You told me how much you loved me, how much you adored me. We held hands each night until you fell to sleep while I was stroking your soft white hair. Then I kissed your forehead and prayed again.

You made me understood that you were ready to go. You said that many times. “time is up, time is over.” I was sad. I’m still sad. I was happy, I’m still happy. My heart is at peace. After all, we know the Lord! I know where you are. I know who took you by your hands to heaven. Yes, I know you are fine. You couldn’t be in a better place!

Mom, I still can hear your last words to me holding my hands in your heart and giving me a blessing: “your heart and my heart forever together”. Those last words and tears are carved in my heart forever.

I miss you mom. I love you so much!

Thank you for being my mother. Thank you Lord for given me the best mother in the world.

Rest at peace.

“How my mother helped me to overcome bullies”

My mom was my hero all the way! Between the two of us there was a magic connection. she was able to share her heart to me without fear. She was strong , just and wise. She was love! My dad also had a great communication with me. I remember I used to read the Colombian newspaper every day to talk to him. Our daily conversation were endless. I guess I can say that there was not one day of their lives my parents didn’t hear from me one way or the other.

My book is not a scientific book, nor should it be considered as the only way to prevent bullies. The book is simply the experience of someone who underwent mockery from childhood due to the physical appearance. I tell how family passes from generation to generation traditions, behaviors and how families can get involved to help a child who is a bully or the one that is being bullied. No degree is necessary to raise a healthy family. My parents came from two very different upbringings. My father was an abandoned child. My mother on the other hand, lost her mom at age 10 and by age 13 she was orphan, but surrounded by the love of her brothers and sisters. Their starting was not the best, but they managed to raise a family of 8, with values, character and honesty.

Life is what we make of it. We either take courage to go on with dignity and decency or we let the circumstances take control of us. We choose what legacy to leave behind.

I started writing this book back in 2010 after my dad passed away. It actually was hard for me to do it, so I put it aside. This month is the first year since my mom passed away and I decided to publish the book.