death – My Coffee Thought

It has been a while since I wrote anything. I got caught in life stuff, burned out or just trying to figure out the best way to retire. It doesn’t really matter. All of the sudden life has changed for all of us and so, the priorities. We are back to the beginning. Just like that child on a school vacation day that used to enjoy the pigeons in the roof of the house and the birds serenades from the fruit trees in the back yard.

Every day was a beautiful day filled with the joy of playing with my sisters and brother. It was time for Hopscotch , Catch, Marble, Tug of War, Hide and Go Seek, Tag, Jumping the Rope, Tic-Tac-Toe. It was all at once! Never tired.

The afternoons were kind of romantics. We used to sing together as duo, trio, quartet, quintet, or more. There was always room for more singers. Some of my siblings had a great voice and I can see them singing with the sentiment of an adult. How romantic the afternoons were for those little kids.

woman in black tank top lying on bed beside other girls — Photo by Retha Ferguson on Pexels.com

We used to have meals together and to do our homework around the dinner table. Life was simple. We used to watch TV with our neighbors, to walk around the block. Boy,we were happy kids! We could do anything, really, anything to have that close contact with our friends, family and parents. We were also mischievous and got in trouble numerous times. We also have no negotiable duties at home.

Today, Covid-19 brought us back to the beginnings: To relationships,to care for the ones at home, to enjoy togetherness, to call a friend, to care for a neighbor, to spend time sharing, fooling around, enjoying doing nothing, to play, to discover new talents and yes, to stick on the cellphone as well.

Life almost always change after a calamity. In fact, there are people whose illness led them to a successful career change. Covid-19 has the potential to change the entire humanity, to dig in the heart and to re-discover the goodness hidden we all enjoy when we put others first. That’s why thousands of selfless doctors, nurses, scientists and experts work hard to try to find a cure to this illness while risking their own lives. There are also other essential workers, volunteers and even children who are working trying to alleviate the pain and sacrifice the healers and the ill’s families endure. In the end, there is not difference. We need each other as people with soul and heart. Goodness has no distinction.

pexels-photo-2324837 — Photo by Павел Сорокин on Pexels.com

The lesson was taught. We can’t fail it again. We must pray for each other. We must seek forgiveness and always have a grateful heart; but overall, we must go back to God. He will give us the strength we need in the mist of the pain, sorrow and frustration. Our eyes are tired of mourning friends and people we don’t even know but we feel so close to us. Our hearts wept…

Fear no. God is with us through this valley of the shadow of death.

Keep the faith.

black cross on top of mountain — Photo by Jonathan Borba on Pexels.com

Dear Mom,
Today is the first year without you. I don’t know how I feel. At times I cry and at times I smile. I’m kind of confused.

I’m sad because I miss your presence and I’m happy you are in a better place with the Lord Jesus Christ. I miss your smile, your hug, your voice and your tender caress. I miss not seeing you singing and dancing, what you liked the most!

It comforts me thinking that you may be having a big celebration in heaven with mama Cleme, as you used to call your mom, and the rest of the gang. At the same time, I wish I could be talking with you by phone today as we used to do every day. You see. I don’t know if I’m selfish or I’m just so happy you’re finally reunited with your loved ones and yes, with mama Cleme! That woman you barely enjoyed because she also went to eternity when you were just 6. That woman you never stopped talking about. I still remember that when you became ill, you called her each time you were afraid. Just like a little girls… I hear you say “mommy, mommy Cleme don’t let me fall…” I can’t imagine how much you missed her while growing up. You even called my dad… “look what’s left of me now… “ you used to say when the pain and strength were exhausted. I know at the end, life did not have the same meaning to you. You were tired and sick. You were fragile and strong. You didn’t want to overwhelm your children with the burden of the care. But we were there for you, day and night, just with the same love and sacrifice you gave us as we grew up by your side. Why not? You lost many nights sleep breastfeeding and raising your children with no complain. You were the best mom in the world to us.

Your pain didn’t get to your soul. You spoke to all of you 8 children words of wisdom until the end. You even blessed each one of us and to many more people. Your body was tired, your mind and your soul wanted to be free. I knew it, I saw it and yet, I still prayed to the Lord for a miracle healing or to listen to your cry. You see Mom, it is hard. I understood the end had come for you and for us, but I embraced the hope that it could last a little longer. I did not like to see you in pain. I actually prayed for the pain to go. I don’t know if I did wrong or I did right. I know God understood our hearts.

Mom, I keep deep in my heart the memory of the lasts days and nights we spent together in that hospital. We shared a lot. You told me how much you loved me, how much you adored me. We held hands each night until you fell to sleep while I was stroking your soft white hair. Then I kissed your forehead and prayed again.

You made me understood that you were ready to go. You said that many times. “time is up, time is over.” I was sad. I’m still sad. I was happy, I’m still happy. My heart is at peace. After all, we know the Lord! I know where you are. I know who took you by your hands to heaven. Yes, I know you are fine. You couldn’t be in a better place!

Mom, I still can hear your last words to me holding my hands in your heart and giving me a blessing: “your heart and my heart forever together”. Those last words and tears are carved in my heart forever.

I miss you mom. I love you so much!

Thank you for being my mother. Thank you Lord for given me the best mother in the world.

Rest at peace.